New Moms and their Village

Parenthood is a life-changing event, and adjusting to parenthood is not always easy. So many changes occur within the family structure, between relationships, and personally. Specifically, new moms may experience a range of physical, emotional, and lifestyle changes after giving birth. Oftentimes, many new moms question and negatively judge themselves because of these changes and because they have not returned to “normal”. Frankly stated, what was once “normal” will never be again; thus, a new normal emerges. Sometimes the difficulty is accepting and surrendering to the new normal. Support from family and friends, as well as formal support (e.g., medical professionals, therapists, etc.), positively impact maternal functioning.

Whether you are a new mother or her support system, here are some common experiences new moms might have and suggestions on how to provide support:

 

Physical changes:

• Fatigue and lack of sleep: Rest whenever possible. You’ve heard the saying, “Sleep when baby sleeps.” This does not always feel realistic because a new mom can think of fifty things to do while baby sleeps (i.e., eat, take a bath, wash clothes, sit in silence, etc.). However, lack of sleep negatively affects our mood, concentration, and capacity to handle stress, so it is best to sleep whenever possible. Also, family and friends (the supportive village) can offer to help with household chores or caring for the baby so mom can get some sleep.

• Postpartum pain and discomfort: Take it easy. After all, a human has just emerged from your body. You are not supposed to immediately return to business as usual. The supportive village can offer to run errands or assist with tasks that require physical exertion. Utilize comfort measures like warm compresses, back rubs, or a soothing bath.

• Breastfeeding challenges: Seek help from a lactation consultant if needed. Check with your OB/GYN and birthing hospital or center to inquire about lactation support. It is helpful for the supportive village to offer emotional support and reassurance during this learning process.

 

Emotional changes:

• Baby blues: Many new moms experience mood swings, weepiness, or irritability in the first weeks after birth. A listening ear, understanding, and reassurance that these feelings are normal but temporary are helpful for the new mom. The supportive village can encourage her to get some fresh air or engage in activities that bring her joy.

• Postpartum depression: If you notice signs of prolonged sadness, extreme mood swings, loss of interest, or feelings of hopelessness, please seek professional help. As a way to support, offer to research therapist referrals, drive her to therapy sessions, or provide childcare for baby while she attends sessions.

• Anxiety and worries: There is nothing more beautiful and anxiety provoking than being blessed with the responsibility to care for a tiny being that you love more than anything. Postpartum anxiety does not get the same spotlight as postpartum depression but is likely just as prevalent. Everyone can benefit from going outside daily and taking a few deep breaths, and especially new moms who are shut-in with baby. The supportive village can help alleviate stress-induced anxiety by assisting with household tasks, providing encouragement, and reminding mom of her strengths as a mother. Additionally, they can offer to accompany mom to baby-related appointments or classes for support.

 

Lifestyle changes:

• Time management: I sometimes say to myself, “How in the world did I think I was busy before kids; what was I doing with my time?!”. It will feel as if there are not enough hours in the day to care for baby, nurture yourself, and stay on top of household responsibilities. Thus, our priorities have to shift. The supportive village can help by encouraging mom to prioritize herself by engaging in self-care activities, which can include sleep. The village can also offer to help with household chores or caring for the baby to give the mom some time for herself.

• Changes in relationships: Romantic relationships and friendships change once baby arrives. A new mom gives most, if not all, of her attention to the baby and may not have the capacity to engage with friends or be present and supportive of her partner’s needs. As a couple, transparency about your feelings and open communication is the best defense for the inevitable feelings of loneliness or neglect that arise. As a partner, be understanding and patient as the new mom adjusts to her role. The extended village can encourage open communication between the new mom and her partner and offer support in finding time for them to enjoy date nights or spend quality time together.

• Social isolation: As mentioned above, social support is salient for optimal functioning. For some moms, being away from the little one feels daunting. Fortunately, there are numerous baby-friendly events that allow mom to engage with adults without leaving baby. The supportive village can help the new mom stay connected with friends and family by offering to organize small gatherings or accompany her to mom and baby groups where she can meet other new parents.

 

Remember, every new mom’s experience is unique, so it’s important to listen, be supportive, and adapt to her specific needs. Encouraging her to seek professional help, if necessary, is vital, as postpartum mental health issues should be taken seriously.