Let’s Cancel the Word “Fake”
This word. The word “fake” when used as a colloquialism has been around for a couple of decades and probably longer. I have seen the use and overuse of this word throughout my existence. I typically hear people say this when they are describing another person’s demeanor, personality, or an interpersonal interaction. So, two people who do not get along might greet each other and it could be stated “they so fake”. If you watch any reality TV show, you will hear this word at least twice per episode. It will probably go something like this “I don’t know why she showed up to my event acting like she wants to support, she is being so fake”.
The individual referenced as fake is now offended and likely asking “how am I fake?!” The back and forth begins and continues and there is no resolution because both have entered into an emotional mind and are existing there. If we looked at the interaction and situation from an objective viewpoint, we would probably remove the adjective fake. Now yes, I understand the layman use of the word and what it is trying to convey. However, I also see how this word is critical, divisive, and a very narrow view of someone.
The word fake as a description is limiting and all or nothing. To call someone fake is to put them in a box and make them only this one thing. And let’s face it, fake has a negative connotation. Referring to someone as fake gives the impression that an individual must only be one way all the time. It reduces them to having to be only what they said, even if they spoke while angry. For instance, say Jane Doe said they did not like hanging out with a coworker because that coworker said something offensive. However, soon after, Jane Doe is seen going to lunch with this coworker. Jane Doe may be referred to as fake. This is not a fair assessment of Jane Doe as she might have been venting when stating she did not want to hang out with the offensive coworker and maybe later on was able to self soothe and feel better about the interaction and decided not to hold on to it. Those who would refer to Jane Doe as fake may reconsider the situation and how it made them feel. They may identify it made them confused or uncertain about when to believe Jane Doe’s words. This is probably more beneficial and creates a better opportunity to be more discerning than labeling Jane Doe.
Referencing someone as fake implies that we expect them to be led by and follow their emotions. So, if someone is angry, then we expect them to respond angrily or display anger. Anything short of that, and you will be called the f-word [fake]. Why they gotta be fake? Could they just be evolved? Maybe they chose not to sit in their emotions and respond accordingly. As adults, it is highly likely you will have to interact with individuals that may not be your cup of tea. This does not mean we need to respond to individuals as if they are not our cup of tea. Some people justify rude and offensive behavior by stating “well, I don’t like XYZ so I’m not gonna act like I do because that would be fake”. So, it appears here, that if you feel a way you must follow through and be that way. This likely will not serve an individual well.
Describing someone as fake does not allow room for growth and maturity for that person. Maybe the contrast you see in the individual referenced as fake is growth and new perspective. However, the contrast within the individual may be unsettling for you because the person is not fitting in the box you gave them. Therefore, it is much easier to just label them as fake. As for the person who believes they must act according to how they feel so they are not being fake or perceived as fake, this belief is limiting and will not allow personal growth.
We can be more than one thing at the same time. We can acknowledge we do not desire to forge a friendship with someone AND also be polite and kind. We can dislike the new project we are doing at work AND be a team player and positive employee. We can be disappointed with our teenager AND encourage them. As you see, we do not have to treat situations or people as we feel in the moment, especially if it does not benefit the situation. This also does not mean we should not express our thoughts and feelings. Hopefully, it encourages us to acknowledge that many things can be true and exist at the same time and therefore, real and fake do not have to be the only categories. If these are the only choices, we miss out on so many traits to help us better discern situations.
The next time we feel the urge to categorize someone as fake, I encourage us to ask ourselves what emotion is being evoked within ourselves. The response might be confusing as what the person said is contrary to how they are responding. It might be fear because now you feel worried that they might not be authentic and could pose a threat to you. Another response might be hurt or disappointment because the person is displaying behavior that contradicts who you thought they were. What is most important is that we explore our own response instead of labeling the individual without consciousness around our own feelings. Again, this allows for more productive use of discernment and a rational response.
It also may be helpful to have grace towards others and yourself. There is a lot of pressure to act according to your feelings to avoid being called fake. Show yourself grace and acknowledge that as an evolved individual, you are more than one emotion and can absolutely change your mind at any time. This is also where ego enters. Ego may say, “well, you said you felt this way so that’s what you need to show”. As we show ourselves grace, we can also show others grace and not pigeon hold them to one emotion and corresponding behavior. We are individuals with a plethora of feelings, some even contrasting at times. So, while we are in the culture of canceling, let’s go ahead and throw this word out.
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